Perusing the small print

DISENCHANTED-BY-PEDIGREE DIVORCÉE, 39, SEEKS MONGREL HUNGRY FOR ADVENTURE.

‘She saying she’s a dog?’

‘Nah. Posh bitch wanting a bit of rough –‘

Grin widened as he brought his pint glass to his mouth, ‘Rough I can do –‘

‘She don’t necessarily mean use your fists –‘

‘What then? Tie ‘er up and suchlike? Whips and kinky boots?’

‘You got any kinky boots?’

‘Only what I wear for work. And they’d need cleaning –‘

‘Get her to clean them. Use her tongue –‘

‘Then stick it into me mouth? Not bloody likely!’

‘S’pose not. Same again? ’

‘Victoria Bitter. Ta, mate.

’